IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents allow their teenage children to live independently, away from home. Other parents don’t want their teenage children to live away from them. Which do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
modern-era
Correct your spelling
modern era
show examples
, few
parents
Use synonyms
 give freedom to their
children
Use synonyms
 to reside far from
home
Use synonyms
 on their own.
However
Linking Words
, other
parents
Use synonyms
 believe in not giving permission to their young
children
Use synonyms
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
 away from
home
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 should not live away from
home
Use synonyms
, especially young
children
Use synonyms
. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is that it leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of parenting supervision. In the upcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
 both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 will be discussed. First of all, by living far away from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age
children
Use synonyms
 get to know
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 .
In other words
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 stay far away from their
parents
Use synonyms
 they come to know how their
parents
Use synonyms
 work hard to get the
money
Use synonyms
, to feed them.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, they always depend on their
parents
Use synonyms
 to get everything they need.
For example
Linking Words
, These days
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 number of young
children
Use synonyms
migrating
Wrong verb form
migrate
show examples
 to feeling countries for work, their
parents
Use synonyms
 send them abroad to
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 the value of
money
Use synonyms
,
when
Correct word choice
and when
show examples
 they start
earnings
Correct your spelling
earning
show examples
 they come to know about the
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
 behind the success their
parents
Use synonyms
 get.
Hence
Linking Words
, giving
permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
for staying
Change preposition
to stay
show examples
 independently is worth
to know
Change the verb form
knowing
show examples
 the value of
money
Use synonyms
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 do not
allowed
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to stay away from them because
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they cannot notice the activities of their
children
Use synonyms
. To explain, when
children
Use synonyms
 decide to move to
other place
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
 sometimes they get into
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 group of people and they cannot concentrate on their work or studies which
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a deterimental
show examples
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 impact on their life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their
parents
Use synonyms
 cannot find
what
Change preposition
out what
show examples
 kind of activities their
children
Use synonyms
 are doing. So, they can give
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 way
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to move ahead in life. To illustrate, a survey
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
collected by
Add an article
the roman
a roman
show examples
roman
Capitalize word
Roman
show examples
 newspaper that 90%
pupils
Change preposition
of pupils
show examples
 who live far away from their
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 are addicted to drugs because of
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
 company.
Thus
Linking Words
, Living far away leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of supervision by
parents
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 migrating to other
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 independence, it
also
Linking Words
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
children
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 groups.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Try to provide a clearer distinction between the two opposing views in your introduction. This will help set the stage for your discussion.
Task Achievement
In your paragraphs, ensure that each point has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis statement to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on using more varied sentence structures and precise vocabulary to enhance your writing's sophistication and fluidity.
Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on your examples to make them more relevant and comprehensive, which will strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified the main arguments for both sides of the issue, which showcases an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • self-reliance
  • life skills
  • accountability
  • guidance
  • self-esteem
  • navigating challenges
  • decision-making
  • transition to adulthood
  • negative influences
  • support system
  • parental supervision
  • life choices
  • growth opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: