IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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One of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 in our
live
Replace the word
lives
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 is
money
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, for some
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 has more priority than other things. It can be explained by
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of the economy nowadays.
Overall
Linking Words
, the role of
money
Use synonyms
 has been one of the most essential throughout history , even in the Stone Age, when humans used various things to trade with each other in their daily lives and using them for
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 thing
also
Linking Words
 needs a big responsibility. But
also
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, more significant has been the role of family and close relationships, which have
consistentky
Correct your spelling
consistently
 shaped our social and personal lives. The best way to use
money
Use synonyms
 does not exist . It depends on people's needs and aims,
however
Linking Words
, there are some general rules for using
money
Use synonyms
 that my parents taught me from a young age.
For example
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, never spend them
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 gambling or something hazardous. The reason is that kind of income never leads to the right result, and
it is clear that
Linking Words
 even if you
stopped
Wrong verb form
stop
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 doing it , you will see a negative impact on your life. The family is more valuable than other things, and it is a proven fact. Everyone close to you is
signoficant
Correct your spelling
significant
. A survey from Harvard University found that more than 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people chose their family and loved ones over
money
Use synonyms
. The citizens of
city
Correct article usage
the city
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London
Change preposition
of London
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 given
option
Add an article
the option
an option
show examples
,
Change preposition
of, unlimitate
show examples
Correct article usage
an unlimitate
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unlimitate
Correct your spelling
unlimited
 source of income ,but with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one condition, they would never see their loved persons again. The results
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not
impressed
Change the verb form
impress
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but proved
importance
Add an article
the importance
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 of our family in our life.
To sum up
Linking Words
, managing
money
Use synonyms
 is an important responsibility, but we should never forget that it is not our top priority—family is far more significant.

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task achievement
The introduction could be more concise and clearly outline the main ideas you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your supporting points logically follow on from one another.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples, explaining how they connect to your main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a balanced view of the importance of money and family.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear recognition of different perspectives on money's importance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial stability
  • Basic necessities
  • Personal development
  • Financial security
  • Memorable experiences
  • Cultural activities
  • Safety net
  • Donating to charities
  • Community projects
  • Sense of fulfillment
  • Positive impact on society
  • Emotional well-being
  • Life satisfaction
  • Sense of purpose
  • Community involvement
What to do next:
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