as the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. describe some positions that may be lost because of computers and discuss at least one problem that may result

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In the digital era,
computers
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play a significant role in human's daily activities.
People
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became
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have become
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more
rely
Replace the word
reliant
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on
technology
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to solve their
problems
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.
People
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think that
technology
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can make everything easier. Some
works
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work
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can be done efficiently using
technology
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.
As a result
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,
people
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are losing their jobs, especially manual workers like proofreaders and cashiers. The increasing use of
technology
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raise
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raises
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some
problems
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such
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as more
people
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became
Wrong verb form
becoming
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unemployed. Not only that, the
job
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opportunity became more scarce.
Due to
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the automation, some occupations are in critical positions. One of the most possible jobs
than
Correct word choice
that
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can be replaced is
proofreaders
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proofreader
show examples
.
Long
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A long
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time ago,
people
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still
write
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wrote
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manually on paper which need to be proofread to check some typing or grammar errors.
However
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, nowadays,
people
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use
computer
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computers
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or
laptop
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laptops
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to write which already
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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proofread
Replace the word
proofreading
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and grammar check
tool
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tools
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.
People
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do not need to hire
proofreader
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proofreaders
show examples
anymore. Another position with
big
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a big
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risk
to be
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of being
show examples
replaced is
cashiers
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cashier
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. Even in some big stores, it is provided self check out systems which let the customers
to
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apply
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make their own
payment
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payments
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. In the future, it is very possible that
cashier
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cashiers
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are being
Wrong verb form
will be
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replaced completely by
computers
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. The use of
computers
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not only
give
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gives
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some benefits but
also
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induce
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induces
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some
problems
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in society.
First,
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since
computers
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have replaced some works, it will impact the unemployment rate. The rise of
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate will create
another structural
Replace the adjective
another structural problem
other structural problems
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problems
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in society.
Second,
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it is harder for
people
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to find a
job
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.
Job
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seekers need to have
specialization
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a specialization
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or additional skills that can not be replaced by
a
Remove the article
apply
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technology
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in order to get a
job
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. In conclusion, technologies
give
Verb problem
have
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both positive and negative impacts
to
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on
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humans' life.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to better highlight your main points and structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistent use of singular and plural forms, such as 'workers' instead of 'worker' in some parts.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and identifies specific jobs that may be lost due to technology.
Task Achievement
You discuss both benefits and drawbacks of technology, which presents a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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