IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that living in the city is better than living in the countryside. To what extent do you agree with this view? Công Thành

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are many
people
Use synonyms
 who have the view that living in the
city
Use synonyms
 is better than living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 and I completely agree with that opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , living in the
city
Use synonyms
 will have more job opportunities because in the
city
Use synonyms
 there are many companies and businesses and create many job opportunities for us. so
people
Use synonyms
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in
city
Use synonyms
 higher
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 than
people
Use synonyms
 in
countries
Correct word choice
other countries
show examples
 .
For example
Linking Words
, the salary of workers at
VinFast
Correct article usage
the VinFast
show examples
 factory is from 10-14 million, and in
VSIP
Correct article usage
the VSIP
show examples
 industrial park it is 8-15 million depending on the working position.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,Large hospitals in the
city
Use synonyms
 will have modern medical facilities and equipment, so patients will be able to treat their illnesses more easily and recover faster.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, medical facilities in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 may lack equipment.
Next,
Linking Words
in the
Use synonyms
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 there will be many shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and many entertainment services
such
Linking Words
 as watching movies,
shopping
Correct word choice
and shopping
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, the Aeon
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Hai Phong is very large and has many services that
people
Use synonyms
 need.An important and
not to be miss
Verb problem
missing
show examples
 part is education. The quality of education in the
city
Use synonyms
 will be higher than in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. Schools will be more modern, teachers will have higher education qualifications
such
Linking Words
 as masters and doctors. and most universities are concentrated in big cities,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 HUST in Hanoi.
Linking Words
Rephrase
Furthermore
show examples
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
 vehicles in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 very fast and safe and convenient in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many airports
bring
Correct pronoun usage
that bring
show examples
 many economic benefits and save a lot of time for everyone From the many benefits mentioned , we can see that living in the
city
Use synonyms
 is better than in the
countryside
Use synonyms
, so I choose to live in the
city
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to make it more impactful. Additionally, add more transition phrases to enhance the overall flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
While you provide specific examples, ensure that they are relevant and elaborated upon. Some examples could use more context to strengthen their relevance to your argument.
task achievement
Your essay includes clear main points that support your view, which is an essential aspect of task achievement.
task achievement
You have incorporated specific examples related to job opportunities and education, which enhances the overall quality of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: