IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Illicit drugs
such
Linking Words
 as heroin and cocaine have been banned by governments
due to
Linking Words
 extremely negative effects on humans.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that drug bans should extend to the consumption of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
. I think laws governing the purchase and
use
Use synonyms
 of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
 should be banned.
Tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 are not legally considered illicit drugs
due to
Linking Words
 the lesser negative stigma of these two aforementioned substances.
However
Linking Words
, considering the negative impacts that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 have in the long run, governments should put policies banning both substances.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who smoke and/or drink regularly have a higher percentage of developing lung and liver diseases
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer and liver cirrhosis respectively, which can be detrimental to one's health.
Thus
Linking Words
, prohibiting both drugs can improve one's
overall
Linking Words
 health. Another thing, these two substances are highly addictive and mind-altering.
For example
Linking Words
, a drunk person driving a car can cause an accident on the motorway which can lead to multiple
people
Use synonyms
 including themselves hurt or even worse dead. As consumption of liquor can lead to altering one's spatial and time perception
this
Linking Words
 alone can warrant a ban on its
use
Use synonyms
 and purchase. With the
use
Use synonyms
 of
tobacco
Use synonyms
, improper handling can cause house fires that
also
Linking Words
 negatively impact a lot of
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in our town, three houses have burned down
due to
Linking Words
 improper disposal of used
tobacco
Use synonyms
. So, banning its
use
Use synonyms
 can lessen harm to other
people
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 have negative impacts
such
Linking Words
 as detrimental to a person's health and can harm other
people
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, I believe that these negative impacts can be aided by the government by prohibiting its purchase and
use
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a strong argument, highlighting significant issues related to the consumption of tobacco and alcohol, which aligns well with the task. To enhance your task achievement further, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and fully develop it.
coherence & cohesion
You've effectively used a range of cohesive devices and organized your ideas logically, which contributes to your essay's coherence. For improvement, consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the flow and readability.
thought expansion
To enrich your essay, consider including counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. This would not only strengthen your argument but also display a broader understanding of the subject matter.
stance
Strong and clear stance on the topic, effectively supporting the main argument.
use of examples
Effective use of examples to support your points, which enhances the persuasive quality of your essay.
structure
Good logical structure, making your essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: