IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration. How true do you think this is? How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today?

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Nowadays, A number of investors and businessmen think that
space
Use synonyms
 tourism
trips
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 invested in and organized by private companies will be the upcoming dramatic turn of events in
space
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 exploration. I believe that
this
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 statement is far from being true, and from my perspective, it will have little to no effect on
space
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 exploration
due to
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 the solid reasons I will be mentioning in
this
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 essay .
Space
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 is vast and complicated, and dealing with
such
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 a mysterious and wide place needs trained and qualified people. NASA executes intensive training programs for astronauts before making them a part of their
space
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trips
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.
Not to mention
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 that
space
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 could sometimes be dangerous because unforeseen events may occur, and as stated hereinabove, those unforeseen events need specialized people to cope with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Therefore
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, conducting
such
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trips
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 could be extremely risky and fatal.
Moreover
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, tourists cannot take any part in
space
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 exploration, but scientists can !
Hence
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, private
space
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 tourism can never replace research
trips
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 executed and supervised by specialized people.
Hence
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, investing money in
such
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 a type of activity could be a waste of money.
Instead
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, Entrepreneurs and
space
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 enthusiasts should utilize their money and time in research and science. In conclusion,
although
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space
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 tourism might seem like a fun experience, I opine that it is a losing investment for both entrepreneurs and the world of evolution and science.

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task achievement
More specific examples or details about space tourism's impact on exploration would strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider revisiting certain phrases for clarity; for example, 'losing investment' could be rephrased for better precision.
task achievement
You presented a clear personal opinion and maintained a focus on your argument throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion ahead.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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