IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that an efficient public transport system is the most important factor in the development of a modern city. Others argue that aspects such as healthcare, education, and public safety should take priority. Discuss both views and give your own opinion:

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Some people believe that an efficient public
transport
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 system is the most important factor in the development of a modern
city
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. They argue that a good
transport
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 system reduces traffic congestion, lowers pollution levels, and helps people move easily within the
city
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.
For instance
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, well-established public
transport
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 systems in cities like Tokyo and London allow people to travel quickly and comfortably, which improves the quality of life for residents and boosts the economy.
Additionally
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, public
transport
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 can make cities more sustainable by reducing the number of private vehicles on the road, leading to less pollution and more green spaces.
On the other hand
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, others argue that factors like healthcare, education, and public
safety
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 should be prioritised over public
transport
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. They believe that without proper healthcare services, the health of citizens will suffer, which can have long-term negative effects on society. Education is
also
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 crucial because a skilled and educated workforce is essential for the
city
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's growth and development. Public
safety
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, including low crime rates and emergency services, is another key concern, as it ensures the well-being and security of residents. In my opinion,
while
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 public
transport
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 is essential, healthcare, education, and public
safety
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 should be given more priority. A
city
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 can only truly develop when its citizens have access to essential services that contribute to their health,
safety
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, and
overall
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 well-being. Once these fundamental needs are met, improvements in public
transport
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 can
further
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 enhance the
city
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's
overall
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 development and prosperity.

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task achievement
Consider more depth in arguments for both sides, perhaps by discussing the potential drawbacks of an efficient public transport system or the specific benefits of healthcare and education improvements.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, terms like 'additionally' and 'moreover' can help with the transition of ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument on both sides of the issue and provides relevant examples, particularly regarding public transport systems in major cities.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is quite effective, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a concluding opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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