IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In their advertising, business nowadays usuallys emphatise that thier products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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In today's era, most organisations advertise their products by featuring them in a unique way and tend to attract a gigantic number of consumers to
purchase
Use synonyms
 them.
This
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 essay intends to elaborate on the phenomenon behind
this
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 notion,
also
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 its negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's lives as it encourages them to buy the equipment without even its actual need in their daily routine.
To begin
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 with, the main agenda of showing the commodities in the advertisement that these are more reliable and have better features is widespread because companies want to generate more revenue by inducing the customer to
purchase
Use synonyms
 the products which are not manufactured by any other corporates in the market. To be more specific, in today's cutthroat competition, it is highly important to launch the product in
such
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 a way that it catches the attention of
people
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. So that, they can be encouraged to buy it.
For instance
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, Apple always
launch
Change the verb form
launches
show examples
 a new model of iPhone once a year by highlighting the advanced features which
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
hype in the market and most
people
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 either replace their old phone with a new one or get a brand new upgraded phone.
This
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 trend has a detrimental impact not only on
people
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's financial situation by initiating the use and throw policy but
also
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 becoming the reason for many environmental problems
such
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 as landfills
due to
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 the wastage and exploitation of natural resources. To simplify, advertising new items by using distinct methods, makes
people
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 buy them without even their necessity and ultimately throw them away after some time because it's not worthwhile.
Consequently
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, they not only waste money on unwanted things but
also
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 contribute to the atmospheric predicaments which are arising these days.
For example
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, the availability of different kinds of electronic video game devices attracts teenagers to
purchase
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 them and after some time, they desire to buy the other new devices launched.
As a result
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, the older ones are no longer in use and become a complete waste which increases the issue of garbage. In conclusion, enterprises use very tactics to market their commodities to influence the citizens at a larger scale to generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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revenue as much as they can by selling them.
However
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, in the long run, it is putting constrain on the finances as sometimes consumers
purchase
Use synonyms
 those products without their need.
Therefore
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, end up not having an optimistic usage and unintentionally creating environmental nuisances.

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Grammar/Spelling
Ensure correct spelling for words like 'usually' instead of 'usuallys' and 'emphasise' instead of 'emphatise'.
Language Style
Avoid phrases like 'the main agenda' which may sound too formal; instead, use 'the main reason'.
Task Response
Make sure to directly address the second part of the question in the conclusion, emphasizing whether you see this trend as positive or negative more clearly.
Content
The essay effectively discusses both the reasons behind advertising new products and the negative impacts, giving a balanced view.
Examples
The use of examples, like Apple’s marketing strategy and the environmental impact of electronic waste, strengthens the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • trends
  • functionality
  • efficiency
  • saturated market
  • consumer culture
  • environmental harm
  • technological advancements
  • brand recognition
  • loyal
  • socio-economic classes
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