IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professional sportsmen and women are paid too much money nowadays in relation to their usefulness to society. Do you agree or disagree?

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Undoubtedly athletes get lucrative pay
along with
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 lavish benefits over other careers. Many agree that sports person , be they male or female are overly paid for their profession , which
as a result
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 does not benefit our society in any way. I strongly disagree with the statement as believe sportsmen and women motivate everyone to perform their best in their respective professions
along with
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 offering glory to nations.
Firstly
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, professionals practice various games and perform magnificently,
while
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 playing for their teams, encouraging millions of fans.
In addition
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, watching team members on live matches, and witnessing their best efforts highly motivates the viewers. Irrespective of whether watching it on TV or living on the ground, it gives hope to folk to face challenges and overcome their fears.
Hence
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, every penny which goes towards these players is worth being a motivator and setting excellent examples for youngsters.
For example
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, footballers like Messi , make society learn to face all obstacles life might put you through , which can lead you to success. Adding to the first point, great players are considered as a hero for their own community as they become a source for bringing glory to their country. If a person performs miraculously over a period of time and breaks the bar by their performance, nations obviously collect fame and pride globally.
Moreover
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, paying a high salary to these great individuals makes sense, who make their whole nation proud.
For example
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, Neeraj Chopra won a gold medal in the Javelin throw for the first time in the history of India, making the whole state proud. In conclusion, despite worrying about offering big checks to players, we should appreciate their efforts in bringing respect to the local crowd and the inspiration that they offer to humans across the globe.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more clear transitions between points to enhance the flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider including a counterargument or addressing opposing views to deepen your analysis.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a strong personal opinion and clear reasoning.
Task Achievement
You've provided relevant examples to support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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