Some people buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for a child having a large number of toys

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Many parents express
loving
Change the form of the verb
love
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to their
children
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by buying a lot of variety
toys
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. There are two sides in
this
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case. Sometimes it has benefits for kids to develop their skills by having educational
toys
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. But
also
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it has drawbacks.
This
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essay will discuss both sides which
is
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are
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its advantages and disadvantages of owing a huge number of playthings.  One major benefit of having
such
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toys
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is that they can learn and discover their kids' abilities and develop them.
Furthermore
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,
toys
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help young
children
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to imagination and expand their thinking.
For example
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, puzzles and blocks have acquired benefits because the child
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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hands
Correct pronoun usage
their hands
his hands
her hands
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and brain when playing with them. So, in
this
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case, they will contribute to
raise
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raising
show examples
the level of cognitive and critical thinking of
children
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However
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, having a huge number of playthings has some disadvantages. When young
children
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owing
Wrong verb form
owe
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a large amount of entertainment, they may lose
engaging
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engagement
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and
enjoyable
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enjoyment
show examples
.
Additionally
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, they will ignore the value
about
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of
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their belongings and they don't protect their things.
As a result
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,
throughout
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through
show examples
these habits, they become careless and
clutter
Wrong verb form
cluttered
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.
For instance
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, the houses and rooms,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
Add a missing verb
be mess
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mess
Replace the word
messy
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and
disorganization
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disorganised
show examples
.
To sum up
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,
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
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many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
toys
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has disadvantages when parents take care
about
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of
show examples
their choices when they
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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.
Whereas
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,
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apply
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families are buying anything and don't care to buy the right choices of
toys
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, they will damage the personality and growing level of their
children
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, but a more effective thesis statement could strengthen the focus of the essay. Consider rephrasing your thesis to clearly outline the points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas are logically connected. For instance, you can improve the flow by linking sentences using transition words more effectively.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples to enhance clarity. For example, when mentioning the impact of toys on cognitive skills, provide a specific example of how a toy can improve such skills.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is an essential aspect of your task.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as puzzles and blocks, demonstrates a clear attempt to support your arguments, which adds to the effectiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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