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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on societies and so must be banned. Other people; however, say that they are just harmful and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your opinion.

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Movies and video
games
Use synonyms
 with violence are very popular. A few individuals think they have a bad influence on society and should be banned,
while
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 others believe they are not dangerous and just help to forget about problems and relax.
This
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 essay will discuss both views , as it can be helpful in some ways ,
such
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 as releasing negative emotions and feelings in a safe way , but it
also
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 has a negative impact on people's physical health and eventually, it will be finished by involving my own perspective.
To begin
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 with , violent films and computer
games
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 act as a means of escape from reality, providing individuals with a way to unwind and let go of accumulated stress in a structured and safe environment without any consequences . Many people enjoy these types of entertainment without being negatively affected.
For example
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,
games
Use synonyms
 like Fortnite, CS Go and PABG can offer a sense of excitement and engagement, allowing players and viewers to experience intense emotions.
On the other hand
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, affects
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, especially in teenagers , making them more prone to act aggressively and breaking their psychological state. That can lead to increased irritability and conflict with others, as they may struggle to control their emotions and reactions in certain situations.
For instance
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, Kai Cenat is one of the most popular
american
Change the capitalization
American
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 streamers, who broke his monitor
due to
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 losing a game. In conclusion, violent movies and video
games
Use synonyms
 can be enjoyed responsibly, but their potential impact should not be ignored. In my opinion, the optimal solution in
this
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 case is a balanced approach, where everyone should control their actions, but an outright ban is absurd and unrealistic, as it takes away
adult's
Correct article usage
an adult's
show examples
 freedom of choice.

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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are clearly explained and well-supported with examples or explanations. This helps the reader follow your reasoning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the flow of the essay. Using linking phrases can help unify your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the accuracy of your grammar and sentence structure; minor inaccuracies may affect clarity. Revising these would strengthen your writing further.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, reflecting a thoughtful engagement with the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as mentioning popular games and a well-known streamer, adds credibility and interest to your points.
coherence and cohesion
A clear conclusion summarizes your positions effectively, which is important in academic writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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