IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The picture below show the manufacturing process for making sugar from suger cane.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram presents the step-by-step
process
Use synonyms
 of producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 has multiple stages, commencing with growing
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes and ending with the completed
sugar
Use synonyms
 being dried and cooled. Throughout the
process
Use synonyms
, raw
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 undergoes a series of transformations, eventually resulting in refined
sugar
Use synonyms
. In the initial stages,
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 was grown for 12 to 18 months.
Then
Linking Words
 people will harvest them in two different ways automatic by machine or manually by people's hands. The following stage is crushing the cutting
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 to become the juice.
Next,
Linking Words
purifying juice will be sorted by a limestone filter before being heated by a large barrel called an evaporator where the juice becomes syrup. The
process
Use synonyms
 continues with separating
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from syrup which named as centrifuge. The final stages of the
process
Use synonyms
 are drying and cooling the syrup to become
sugar
Use synonyms
 inside a huge machine.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking down complex sentences to enhance clarity. For example, 'The following stage is crushing the cutting sugar cane to become the juice' could be simplified for better understanding.
grammar
Make sure to maintain consistent verb tenses throughout the essay. For instance, 'was grown' should be 'is grown' to match the present tense used in other areas.
task achievement
Expand on some of the stages to provide a more detailed understanding. For instance, describe how the centrifuge works or the significance of the limestone filter in greater detail.
positive aspect
The essay has a clear overall structure that guides the reader through the manufacturing process of sugar effectively.
positive aspect
Good use of transitional phrases like 'next', 'then', and 'finally' to indicate the order of steps in the process.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: