IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in some countries money contributed is used to sponsor education for prisoners is this a good or bad idea

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While
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 the concept of rehabilitating
prisoners
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 through
education
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 may seem appealing, using contributed money to sponsor
such
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programs
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 is ultimately a misguided idea.
This
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 approach diverts valuable resources from more pressing societal needs and fails to address the fundamental issues that lead to
crime
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 in the first place.
Firstly
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, focusing on prisoner
education
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 with contributed
funds
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 ignores the systemic problems that often drive individuals to
crime
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. Poverty, lack of access to quality
education
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 in underprivileged communities, and social inequality are significant factors that contribute to criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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. Simply educating
prisoners
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 after they have committed crimes does not address these root causes. These
funds
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 could be better utilized
in
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for
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 preventative measures,
such
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 as improving educational opportunities for at-risk youth and providing social support systems in disadvantaged areas.
Secondly
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, there is a question of fairness and public perception. Many law-abiding citizens struggle to afford higher
education
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 for themselves or their children. Allocating charitable contributions to educate those who have broken the law can breed resentment and undermine public trust in the justice system. Taxpayers and donors may feel their money is being misdirected, leading to a decrease in
overall
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 support for social
programs
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.
Furthermore
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, the effectiveness of prison
education
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programs
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 in reducing recidivism is debatable.
While
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 some studies suggest a positive impact, others show limited results. There is no guarantee that educating
prisoners
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 will translate into reduced
crime
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 rates upon their release. These
programs
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 often lack the necessary support structures,
such
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 as job placement services and community reintegration
programs
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, to ensure long-term success. In conclusion,
while
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 the intention behind sponsoring prisoner
education
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 with contributed
funds
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 may be noble, it is ultimately a flawed approach. These resources would be better spent addressing the root causes of
crime
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 through preventative measures and supporting law-abiding citizens who struggle with access to
education
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 and opportunity. Diverting
funds
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 to educate
prisoners
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, without addressing the broader social issues, is a short-sighted solution that fails to deliver meaningful and lasting change.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your main points, particularly regarding the effectiveness of education programs or statistics about crime rates in relation to educational opportunities.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clearly linked and transitions are smooth to enhance the flow of ideas and reinforce connections between your points.
task achievement
You present a clear position on the topic and develop your arguments logically, which helps the reader understand your perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines your main argument effectively, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, reinforcing your key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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