It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don’t want to do, or don't have time to do, for example household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things for themselves?
In
this
modern world where all people
suffer from their busy schedules , It is a common trend to delegate some non-specialized work to third parties. From my perspective, it not only could provide job opportunities for some other people
, but also
it could lead to work-life balance.
To launch into this
topic, offering some simple work to other people
could provide some employment opportunities and improve their economic situation. To illustrate more, we can imagine some students, single parents and disadvantaged people
who need to meet their requirements by working in simple positions such
as taking care of children or household chores. Needless to mention, they not only could manage their lives,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their self-confidence and financial independence will be strengthened.
Furthermore
, delegating some usual tasks
to others can increase the crowd’s productivity. For instance
, when humans support each other in their duties, they can concentrated
more on their specialized or enjoyable missions and Change the verb form
be concentrated
concentrate
consequently
their quality of tasks
will be elevated. For example
, I asked a woman to take care of my 8-year-old daughter on summer days, so my stress level decreased a lot and I could free up my mind and focus on my job. Therefore
, outsourcing the
mundane Correct article usage
apply
tasks
such
as household chores can improve the quality of life and allocated
specialized Wrong verb form
allocate
tasks
.
In a nutshell, it is logical to ask some others to assist us in our parental and household responsibilities. Since we provide some job opportunities to others and also
do our tasks
efficiently.Submitted by zohmoz93 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all points in your introduction are clearly connected to the rest of the essay. Smooth transitions between your reasons would strengthen your essay further.
task achievement
While your essay provides a complete response to the topic, make sure to directly address the second question ('Should people do these things for themselves?') a bit more explicitly in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is coherent, varying your linking words and phrases can enhance the flow. Diversifying phrases like 'needless to mention' with synonyms and expressions could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples that support your main points, such as the scenario of asking a woman to take care of your daughter. This adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic and its implications.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?