IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the increased global demand in oil and gas , undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to acces more resources.To what extent do you agree?

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It is believed that unknown regions of the world should be explored to gain
acces
Correct your spelling
access
 to more resources,
due to
Linking Words
 the high global demand for
oil
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 and
gas
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.
While
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i
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I
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 agree that resource
exploration
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 is essential for economic and industrial growth,
i
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I
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also
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 hold a view that it might have environmental and ethical consequences. On the one hand, advancements in technology have made the extraction of
oil
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 and
gas
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 more efficient and cost-effective, bringing potential benefits for both the economy and the industrial sector. First and foremost, large-scale
oil
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 and
gas
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 projects create employment opportunities in sectors
such
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 as transportation, drilling and
exploration
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.
Secondly
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, national
energy
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 companies may invest in resource-rich countries, which enhances national development.
This
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 action not only reduces import costs but
also
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 industrial production more affordable
in
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on
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Correct article usage
a global-scale
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global-scale
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global scale
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.
On the other hand
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, it contributes to
the
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apply
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habitat destruction, as drilling and
exploration
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 can lead to deforestation
,
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apply
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 and loss of biodiversity.
Moreover
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, increased extraction can cause catastrophic
oil
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 spills, contaminating water bodies and harming marine life. It is undeniable that
such
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 actions could cause irreversible environmental
damages
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damage
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 in the long term. From an ethical standpoint, over-extraction of non-renewable resources may deplete reserves, leaving future generations without any
energy
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 resources. In conclusion,
while
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 exploring unknown regions for
oil
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 and
gas
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 may help meet
energy
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 demands and enhance both economic stability and industrial growth, the environmental and ethical costs cannot be ignored. It is crucial that any
exploration
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 is conducted responsibly, with long-term sustainability in mind, to ensure a balance between meeting
energy
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 needs and protecting our planet.

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task achievement
Consider providing specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments and appeal to the reader's logic. This could include statistics on job creation or the economic impact of oil and gas industries.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly transition between points to enhance the flow of your essay. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You might want to elaborate more on the potential solutions or alternatives to oil and gas exploration to demonstrate a more well-rounded perspective on the issue.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates the main argument effectively.
argumentation
The discussion of both the economic benefits and environmental concerns presents a balanced view, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • energy security
  • biodiversity
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • oil and gas reserves
  • economic growth
  • industrialization
  • population growth
  • exploration
  • energy independence
  • local economies
  • job creation
  • technological advancements
  • alternative energy sources
  • environmental impact
  • regulations
  • global demand
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