IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Self-employement
Correct your spelling
Self-employment
 is a way of earning without
rely
Change the verb form
relying
show examples
 on other sources,
therefore
Linking Words
, many individuals
are now prefer
Change the verb form
now prefer
show examples
 to own a
business
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of being
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
intitute
Correct your spelling
institute
.
A one
Correct article usage
One
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 major
reson
Correct your spelling
reasons
 which link with that having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial freedom,
although
Linking Words
 it comes with significant drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as, it requires strong motivation and it demands to hold a lot of responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the mentioned reason
as well as
Linking Words
 the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
stratergy
Correct your spelling
strategy
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, working alone to achieve a own goal
craft
Correct subject-verb agreement
crafts
show examples
 the path to fulfill someone’s own freedom of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finance. Because, sometimes if an individual
deciced
Correct your spelling
decided
 to work for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 organisation which is very secure it will not only
resrict
Correct your spelling
restrict
 their income to a certain level but
also
Linking Words
 it
block
Change the verb form
blocks
show examples
 the path for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many opportunities lie
ahed
Correct your spelling
ahead
and
 if they decide to work on their own, for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance,
Business
Use synonyms
 World News channel has recently conducted
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research by gathering information through interviews from world’s leading
business
Use synonyms
 CEOs and that survey reveals that out of 3 businessmen 2 of them
initially
Linking Words
 worked as a regular worker and they
further
Linking Words
 cite that quitting that job and have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 own market was the best decision they had ever made.
This
Linking Words
 highlights that in
order
Use synonyms
 to seek success in a person’s life taking a risk plays a major role.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
financial freedom only comes with
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
 burden which is responsibilities. If a person
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 the path of
making
Verb problem
starting
show examples
 a own
business
Use synonyms
, the person must have the capability to
bare
Verb problem
bear
show examples
a extensive duties
Correct the article-noun agreement
extensive duties
an extensive duty
show examples
, in
order
Use synonyms
 to perform by
carring
Correct your spelling
carrying
caring
 a
havy
Correct your spelling
heavy
 load, the person must have a strong driving force. To
further
Linking Words
 illustrate
this
Linking Words
 the recent study of Cambridge
Business
Use synonyms
 School
demostrate
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
 that in 2024, from 45 companies which was established one year ago 30 of them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declared
bancrrupcy
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
 and they
further
Linking Words
revelas
Correct your spelling
revealed
 that the significant factor for
this
Linking Words
 situation was mainly
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
decipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 of the owner of that company.
Thus
Linking Words
, in
order
Use synonyms
 to create
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 market people must have a strong will
as well as
Linking Words
 a positive attitude toward bearing responsibility.
To conclude
Linking Words
, people prefer to to seek and own a new market rather than
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for a company in
order
Use synonyms
 to increase their buying power,
however
Linking Words
, there are
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of drawbacks lies with
this
Linking Words
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
 including, the weight of responsibilities that
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 company owner demand to
bare
Correct your spelling
bear
show examples
 and the need of powerful willingless. To overcome those cons all the government should work in
order
Use synonyms
 to empower the new leaders of the financial world and navigate to a rich and better future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction states the topic clearly but could be more concise. Try to refine your sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
While the essay has relevant points, some ideas require further development. Expanding on the examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious of spelling and grammatical errors, as they may detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Proofreading is essential.
task achievement
You provided a clear position on the topic and maintained focus throughout the essay, demonstrating understanding of the subject.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as referencing a survey, offers some credibility to your arguments, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: