IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

According to a recent study, the more time people used the internet the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seing the internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities worldwide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?

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A recent study shows spending most of your
time
Use synonyms
 online may lead to having less
time
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 in person
as a result
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 of
misusage
Correct your spelling
misusing
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 of
internet
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. In my opinion, many
people
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 have been affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
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 changed habit
due to
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Correct article usage
the raise
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raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 of isolation.
However
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, there
exists
Change the verb form
exist
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 several positive sides as well. First of all, the development of technology, especially
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, has started to have a significant role in daily life. It is seen that many
people
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 tend to use more of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 innovative devices day by day. At
the
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apply
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first
glance
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glance,
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 it may be considered as a gain but the more
people
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 become addicted, the more side effects
occurs
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occur
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. One of the main drawbacks of
this
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 addiction is getting more isolated from the real world. Mankind can be manipulated easily by nature and spending the vast majority of your day
by
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apply
show examples
interacting with
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 may help
undesirably
Correct pronoun usage
you undesirably
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 to
be
Verb problem
become
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 more addicted.
Moreover
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,
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 has
an
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apply
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easy access which can encourage
people
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for using
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to use
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more
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it more
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while
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 communicating with others. Nowadays, human beings are more likely to use various applications
such
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 as Facetime (a
videocall
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video call
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 application) in order to interact with their friends or relatives at any
time
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 or place they want.
Flexible
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A flexible
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 schedule
of
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for
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this
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 communication way can encourage
people
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 to spend more
time
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 by
theirselves
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themselves
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 as well.
On the other hand
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, we can consider a few benefits of
this
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 usage of
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
that is
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 getting more common
everyday
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every day
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. I believe,
in contrast
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 to encouraging to be isolated,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 may be a tool for socializing as long as it
used
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is used
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 in
right
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the right
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 way.
People
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 can use various social media applications to get to know more
people
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.
For instance
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, these applications might be used to communicate with relatives who are
no
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not
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 able to meet in person.
Consequently
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, I think the popularity of
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 mostly brings negative results to
people
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.
However
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, it can be effective as the
time
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent and aims for using are controlled.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction should explicitly outline the main arguments you will discuss in the essay. Additionally, the conclusion should more clearly summarize your viewpoint and the arguments mentioned.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a single main point. The transition between ideas could be improved for greater clarity.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples to support your ideas, especially in the body paragraphs. This will strengthen your arguments and improve the overall clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects of internet usage, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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