IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that family dynamics becoming more and more modern, and family demands have
also
Linking Words
 changed to a large extent which requires both
parents
Use synonyms
 to job .
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
children
Use synonyms
’s advantage since their
parents
Use synonyms
 can make more money , there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that it causes
children
Use synonyms
 to suffer from insufficient aid .
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, people who support
parents
Use synonyms
 to job know, that
children
Use synonyms
 have plenty of demands .
In other words
Linking Words
, requires a financial situation.
In addition
Linking Words
, working
parents
Use synonyms
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 they have a lot of knowledge and education they will be like tutors to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 about life and responsibility they will make them live in comfortable circumstances and they can
assistance
Replace the word
assist
show examples
 them at all levels .
For example
Linking Words
. they can help them in all sectors when they grow up,
such
Linking Words
 as study, travel, and any issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals who do not support their
parents
Use synonyms
 to work, the people at
this
Linking Words
 age are very sensitive they need supervision
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and emotional support. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that, when they need their
parents
Use synonyms
 they will find them at any time and not remain busy with their work.
Moreover
Linking Words
. All
children
Use synonyms
 need high-quality family time
instead
Linking Words
 of money.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can not buy everything for their
children
Use synonyms
 , especially at the time. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that both
parents
Use synonyms
 need to job
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 will help to invest the money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your ideas and support them with more concrete examples or explanations. Your points could be expanded for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the structure of your paragraphs; ensure each one has a clear main idea and supporting details that flow logically.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity. Phrases like 'parents to job' should be corrected to 'parents to work.'
task achievement
You show a clear understanding of both viewpoints on the issue and attempt to discuss them.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and attempts to include a personal opinion, which is a good approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: