Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In many countries, the most popular leisure activity is shopping, especially for young

adults

Use synonyms

because of the advancement in technology.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

may result negatively in financial management. Advancements in technology have made shopping more convenient. Seamless digital payment systems

such

Linking Words

as e-wallets, contactless payments, buy-now-pay-later systems, and credit cards make transactions effortless and allow young

adults

Use synonyms

to purchase

products

Use synonyms

easier

Rephrase

more easily

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, many platforms and shops have integrated A.I. as shopping assistance to suggest

products

Use synonyms

, making

products

Use synonyms

easier to find and more tempting to buy.

For example

Linking Words

, Amazon and online shopping platforms now have

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own AI-driven recommendation system

together with

Linking Words

various payment methods, enhancing buying experiences.

However

Linking Words

, spending too much money on shopping can lead to problems in financial management.

Although

Linking Words

product recommendation systems and seamless payment methods improve shopping experiences, young

adults

Use synonyms

, who

unaware

Add a missing verb

are unaware

show examples

of their financial situations, probably overspend unnecessarily.

This

Linking Words

eventually causes financial struggles and makes young

adults

Use synonyms

unable to buy what they really need or cannot afford essential

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, if buyers apply to the buy-now-pay-later program and cannot afford to pay, they have to pay more

Linking Words

Change preposition

show examples

the end because of the interest. It is obvious that the situation is worse than having enough money and paying instantly. In conclusion, shopping has become the most popular leisure activity because of technological advancements that allow buyers to buy

products

Use synonyms

more conveniently. It,

however

Linking Words

, affects those with poor financial management to struggle with their finance.

pw.mmuiiMon Feb 24 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph fully develops its main idea with adequate support and clear connections between sentences.

task achievement

Provide more detailed examples or explanations to illustrate your points further and deepen your analysis.

task achievement

Consider more balanced perspectives on the positives of shopping to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

The introduction clearly states the topic and presents a clear thesis.

task achievement

The use of technology as a key factor in the popularity of shopping is a relevant point.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

240 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure activity
consumer culture
material possession
social experience
disposable income
tech-savvy
convenience
fashion trends
overconsumption
economic stimulation
retail industry
materialism
debt
consumer spending
browsing

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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think It's better to choose friends who always have the same opinions as them. Other people believe it is good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?