IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays fast food are becoming more common among countries. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's world, fast
food
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 is becoming widely common in many
countries
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.
While
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this
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 can help with producing reasonably-priced
food
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 in some
countries
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, the impact it had on the environment and healthcare system is undeniable and outweighs the advantages. The first thing to consider is the impact processed
food
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 has on the healthcare system.
That is
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 to say, fast
food
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 contains an excessive amount of chemicals or saturated fat. If used regularly, these will affect the body by blocking blood veins, causing cardiovascular and respiratory problems. With that being said, the country's hospitals could see an increase in the number of patients, elevating the stress that had already appeared in some health centres.
Moreover
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, fast
food
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 can cause the environment to deteriorate quickly.
That is
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 to say, with the development of fast
food
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 chains, there would be a need for a safe source of ingredients. If use locally sourced
food
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, there will not be any problems.
However
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, junk
food
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 tends to use ingredients which is cheap and
therefore
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 need to be sourced far away. With that being said, lorries will be used widely to transport the ingredients needed, causing air pollution.
However
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, some argue that processed
food
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 is reasonably priced, so it would be beneficial to solve hunger in underdeveloped
countries
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.
This
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 is based on the fact that these restaurants often use low-quality
food
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 and oil to make their products.
This
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 can cause
further
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 stress on the health system, as mentioned above. In conclusion,
while
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 fast
food
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 can solve the need for
food
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 in some poor
countries
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, the impact it has on the environment and health centres outweighs the advantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction to give the reader a clear understanding of the essay's direction.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your points and illustrate the arguments more convincingly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the main argument of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and appropriately addresses the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, which aids in understanding the argument being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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