IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

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In today's world, fast
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming widely common in many
land
Change to a plural noun
lands
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.
While
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this
Linking Words
 can help with producing reasonably-priced fare in some
state
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states
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, the impact it had on the environment and healthcare system is undeniable and outweighs the advantages. The first thing to consider is the impact processed cuisine has on the healthcare system.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, fast foodstuff contains an excessive amount of chemicals or saturated fat. If used regularly, these will affect the body by blocking blood veins, causing cardiovascular and respiratory problems. With that being said, the country's hospitals could see an increase in the number of patients, elevating the stress that had already appeared in some health centres.
Moreover
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, fast
meal
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meals
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 can cause the environment to deteriorate quickly.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, with the development of fast snack chains, there would be a need for a safe source of ingredients. If use locally sourced feed, there will not be any problems.
However
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, junk food tends to use ingredients which is cheap and
therefore
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 need to be sourced far away. With that being said, lorries will be used widely to transport the ingredients needed, causing air pollution.
However
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, some argue that processed meat is reasonably priced, so it would be beneficial to solve hunger in underdeveloped
region
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regions
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.
This
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 is based on the fact that these restaurants often use low-quality cooking to make their products.
This
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 can cause
further
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 stress on the health system, as mentioned above. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 fast
snack
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snacks
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 can solve the need for food in some poor
region
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regions
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, the impact it has on the environment and health centres outweighs the advantages.

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Task Response
Consider revising your introduction to more clearly outline your position on the topic. For example, you could state your opinion more definitively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve logical structure and flow between ideas.
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples or studies to back up your claims, as this will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Response
Your essay clearly states that you believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which is a good start for a clear position on the topic.
Task Response
You have identified relevant concerns related to health and the environment, which are important aspects of the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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