IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, people encourage their children to get a job or to travel after their secondary education and before their university education. What are the advantages or disadvantages of doing so?

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In
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
 countries,some parents encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to go to work or to
travel
Use synonyms
 after their secondary education and before their university education.I think
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a job or
to
Change the verb form
travelling
show examples
travel
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 pros and cons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,let's talk about the advantages of
to
Change the verb form
travelling
show examples
travel
Use synonyms
.The
children
Use synonyms
 go to
travel
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can reduce stress.
For instance
Linking Words
,the
children
Use synonyms
 of Hong Kong that they study by oriented and their parents want their
children
Use synonyms
 should join many curricular activities so they feel very tired.
Therefore
Linking Words
,they can go to
travel
Use synonyms
 to reduce stress.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,the
children
Use synonyms
 go to
travel
Use synonyms
 that they can
hidden
Change the verb form
hide
show examples
orizon
Correct your spelling
horizon

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structure
Try to provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help the reader understand your overall argument better.
content
Expand on the advantages and disadvantages further. Include examples or explanations that deepen your argument.
language
Make sure to proofread your work for small grammar and phrasing errors. For instance, use 'traveling' instead of 'go to travel,' and 'horizons' instead of 'orizon.'
content
You have identified some relevant advantages of traveling, which is a good start to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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