IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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In some exhibition
centers
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centres
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, people are required to pay to enter, but others do not
take
Verb problem
pay
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 some entrance fees. In my opinion, its benefits are eclipsed by its drawbacks in the sense that many human beings prefer not to learn from
museums
Use synonyms
 anymore. A prime disadvantage of
this
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 is that many people are discouraged to study from demonstrated artefacts. Around the world, there
are
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is
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 still a large poor population who have to spend all
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money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
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 sustaining their basic needs.
Hence
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, they are unlikely to choose
museums
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 as a means of entertainment if an entrance fee is
posed
Correct your spelling
posted
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 publicly.
Besides
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, many students will prefer to learn at school or online from websites because those sources are
free-of-charge
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free of charge
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.
This
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 might result in a lack of directly glancing at and studying
from
Change preposition
apply
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real artefacts left over from realistic events,
for example
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, bones of dinosaurs or weapons within a past war.
In contrast
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, a vital advantage of applying a fee is generating revenues.
In other words
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,
musuems
Correct your spelling
museums
 might earn
money
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 from visitors and invest in upgrading facilities and conditions of storage.
For instance
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, national demonstration
centers
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centres
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 in Vietnam can research and build more realistic statues of past leaders like Uncle Ho or Vo Nguyen Giap. By doing that, people who enter
museums
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 can know their faces more clearly and remember more of their achievements in Vietnam's liberation.
However
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,
money
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 cannot replace the number of enthusiasts, but that budget should be funded by the authority
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 is responsible for maintaining
such
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 public spaces as
museums
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.
Therefore
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, there are alternative ways of generating revenues for exhibition places to offer free tickets for visitors. In conclusion, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits of charging an entrance fee. Irrespective of earning more
money
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 for reinvestment,
museums
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 might lose a large number of
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 cannot afford
but
Correct pronoun usage
it but
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 still want to learn about the traditions and the history.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are presented clearly and directly, possibly with a more structured approach to each paragraph. This will improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Strengthen your main ideas with additional supporting examples or explanations to establish a clearer connection between your points and your overall argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by comparing the advantages and disadvantages of charging admission fees for museums, demonstrating engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main argument presented in the essay.
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