IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, fleeing to cities from villages or rural areas to cities is likely to be common. There are two main reasons beyond leaving rural areas. In
villages
Add a comma
villages,
show examples
 young people do not have enough
facility
Replace the word
facilities to
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and studying
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. Today, study and work chances have gathered around
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 populated cities. Today, technology is the main part of education as a key element like never before. Some
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that technological ways
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education can
ease on to
Verb problem
help students
show examples
 understand complex subjects more quickly for students.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand your introduction to clearly state the reasons and outline the advantages and disadvantages being discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide a clearer conclusion that summarizes your main points and states your opinion on whether advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, for example) to connect your ideas and paragraphs logically.
task achievement
Ensure to develop your points more thoroughly with examples or elaborations for clearer comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Revise sentences for grammar accuracy, such as 'Some argue' instead of 'Some argues'.
topic selection
The essay addresses a relevant and contemporary topic, which is an excellent choice.
idea development
You have identified a significant reason for migration from rural areas to cities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: