IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

With the increasing global demand for
oil
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 and
gas
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due to
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 population growth and limited
resources
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, some say that unexplored locations should be used to extract
resources
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.
While
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this
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 helps with
energy
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 shortages and boosts economic growth, it
also
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 causes many serious environmental concerns.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument before concluding whether the risks outweigh the advantages. On one hand,
oil
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 and
gas
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 are the world's primary sources of
energy
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. As demand increases, countries need to maintain these supplies to avoid blackouts and
energy
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 shortages. With the help of exploring new locations to obtain more
resources
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, these countries can avoid these problems.
Moreover
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, the increase in
oil
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 and
gas
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 availability leads to reduced fuel prices for consumers and businesses.
For instance
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, the reduced price of
gas
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 and
oil
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 allows consumers to spend less on these
resources
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, making transportation and electricity more affordable, which
also
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 leads to positive global economic growth.
On the other hand
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,
oil
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 and
gas
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 are finite
resources
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, which means they will eventually run out even if they are being extracted.
Furthermore
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, the burning of fossil fuels creates air pollution and global warming, causing more greenhouse gases and putting people in polluted cities at risk.
For example
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, individuals who live in a big city may face breathing issues and lung problems, causing asthma, and in some cases, even death. In conclusion, even though exploration may provide a short-term
energy
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 advantage, these
resources
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 will eventually run out.
Furthermore
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,
this
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energy
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also
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 creates a lot of pollution, which causes more harm than good.

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task achievement
While your essay has a clear position, consider elaborating further on the potential long-term consequences of accessing undiscovered areas for oil and gas. By providing more depth to your arguments, you can strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, aim to strengthen the connection between your ideas. For instance, in the second paragraph, you could better link the benefits of oil and gas extraction to the discussion of economic growth with a clearer transition.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are detailed and specific. For example, instead of stating that 'individuals who live in a big city may face breathing issues', you could provide statistics or data showing the extent of air pollution related health issues. This would enhance the impact of your examples.
content
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a balanced view, which sets a good foundation for the discussion.
structure
You've successfully presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a fair analytical approach.
Your opinion

Donโ€™t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Donโ€™t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ ยป- a book that's free for ๐Ÿš€ Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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