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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

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In the current state, married
couples
Use synonyms
 who decided to not have children are gradually rising in recent years.
While
Linking Words
this
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 offers them more free time to focus on their jobs and to experience less pressure, a decrease in youth can affect the nation widely.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 trend provides a less busy schedule for the
couples
Use synonyms
.
Couples
Use synonyms
 with a newborn child
struggles
Correct subject-verb agreement
struggle
show examples
 to balance between their business and time spent with the child, often leading to disturbing sleeps which was inferred from the difficulties of raising an infant because they tend to randomly cry in the middle of the night.
In contrast
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, childless
couples
Use synonyms
 often have a lot of leisure time, allowing
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
show examples
 for work and study concentration, a balanced lifestyle from
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 sleeping schedule and fitness activities.
Additionally
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, these
couples
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 socialize with their friends and families since they have flexible schedules.
This
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 helps
elevating
Wrong verb form
elevate
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 their mood, maintaining a refreshed mind throughout the weeks.
However
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, since the birth rate is lowered,it makes the
youth’s
Change noun form
youth
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 population de-escalate.
This
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 is causing a substantial loss in younger generations of certain countries like Japan and South Korea and is anticipated to decrease
further
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 in the future. Not only does
this
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 phenomenon
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the number of workers in many facilities as it mostly hires young people
due to
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 their mobility and flexibility, but
also
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 increases the amount of elderly people.
Due to
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 the inability to work, the elders have to rely heavily on the money provided
from
Change preposition
by
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government
Add an article
the government
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, which most of them are from the work of younger generations, resulting in
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 loss in
GDP
Correct article usage
the GDP
show examples
 of these nations. In conclusion,
although
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 it is undeniable
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how beneficial childless relationships are in leaving
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
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 for productive and stress-released activities, it directly influences the economy of a country from
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 young people’s employment.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea. Providing clearer topic sentences and concluding statements can improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more relevant examples to support your arguments. They help illustrate your points and make them more convincing.
grammatical range and accuracy
Look out for minor grammatical errors and ensure the correct use of tenses and singular/plural forms.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and discusses both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a well-rounded approach.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the implications of childless couples on personal life and broader societal impacts, which demonstrates critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • childfree
  • personal freedom
  • financial stress
  • raising children
  • nurturing the relationship
  • societal pressure
  • stigma
  • support network
  • companionship
  • legacy
  • regret
  • intimate bond
  • norm
  • invest in experiences
  • close-knit
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