Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

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In recent years, several individuals have suffered more issues in health like being overweight than in the
last
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century. It is undeniable that there are a variety of reasons behind
this
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risk. Ergo,
this
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essay will explore the major causes, and follow the results of the phenomenon, by providing relevant examples and insights. On the one hand, there are certain negative sides to
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current trend.
Firstly
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, the habits are not suitable for people. What is more, more and more adults depend on restaurants these days. To demonstrate more,
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is considered a huge risk because most restaurants provide unhealthy food,
thus
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, diseases including heart and obesity
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fats and junk food.
Moreover
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, a study published at the University of Nizwa in 2016 showed students who graduated from
this
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administration, have overweight, unfortunately. The highlights of being overweight lead to an epidemic in current events.
On the other hand
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, there are several effects that I need to consider. First and foremost, being overweight plays a crucial source in communities to decrease the level of performance. To illustrate more,
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category of people cannot work quickly and accomplish whole duties rather than members of the country.
Furthermore
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, the nations have some problems in their body,
for example
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, high pressure and heart disease.
Last
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but not least, the Omani Educational Association indicated most individuals who have
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issue tend to work in the office only. As a sequence, their occupations are limited because of
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risk. In conclusion, I am convinced that obesity uplifts the image of an individual,
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, one cannot ignore the negative aspects of it completely.
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, I totally agree that
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phenomenon plays a crucial role in our lives.
Additionally
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, the outcomes are not limited to people only but
also
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have a profound impact on society.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to restate the importance of the topic more strongly and ensure clarity in your thesis statement. Consider enhancing the clarity of your main points in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the transitions between your ideas and main points. For instance, use phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' more effectively to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure each paragraph fully develops its idea before moving on. Some points could use more elaboration or examples to support them effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provide a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for essay writing.
Task Achievement
Your use of relevant examples and data, such as studies and statistics, adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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