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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, parents used to give their children a great deal of freedom. Parents today, however, tend to be much more restrictive. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#parents #children #freedom #development
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Plenty of freedom was given to
children
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 by their
parents
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 in the old times,
whereas
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 in modern times, they are likely to become totally opposite. After considering a surge in crime rate and a sense of prevailing competition in society,
this
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 move of
parents
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 can certainly be seen as a positive development.
This
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 essay will delve deeper into these points in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason why
parents
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 are now tending to be stricter is because the criminal activities related to
children
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 have suddenly increased compared to the past. To elucidate, if
parents
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 do not acknowledge the location and movement of their offspring, it will be easy for criminals to kidnap or molest them.
For example
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, the Crime Investigation Department of the UK, submitted in its annual report in March 2017 that no sooner did
parents
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 decrease the freedom of their
children
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 than there was a 55% decrease in the cases of child molestation and kidnapping.
Hence
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, implementing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
restrictions
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 before leaving home
such
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 as a set time schedule to return home and a proper watch
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
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 as a safeguard for
children
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. Having said that,
due to
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 the competitive scenario of the world,
parents
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 put hard
restrictions
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 to save the leakage of precious time for their
children
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.
The distractions
Correct article usage
Distractions
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 like mobile phones, games and TV may steal the study time of
children
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 and can
result
Verb problem
apply
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adversely on their academic performance. To substantiate,
a
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apply
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painstaking research conducted by The Guardian Newspaper in May 2015 revealed that 85% of
children
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 scored good marks because their
parents
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 put hard
restrictions
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 on the usage of mobile phones and watching TV.
Therefore
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, a prohibiting nature towards
children
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 is necessary to be adopted by the
parents
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 to ensure a safe environment for their growth.
To conclude
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, it is unequivocal that because of saving their
children
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’s academic and physical nurturance, more
restrictions
Use synonyms
 on their independence than in old times from the
parents
Use synonyms
 is a welcoming phenomenon.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides a clear position. To further enhance it, you could deepen the analysis and provide more nuanced arguments or counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent, you could improve the logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between points. For example, use transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a coherent structure.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, making your points more convincing.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and easy to understand, contributing to the overall effectiveness of your response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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