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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

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Statistics show that the number of
people
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 suffering from excessive weight is increasing. The main
reasons
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 for
this
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 epidemic, which causes various
health
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 problems, are individuals' lifestyles and diets.
This
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 essay will discuss the
reasons
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 and results of
this
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 worldwide problem in detail.
Firstly
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, today's lifestyle is becoming more and more robotic and the focus is mainly on
one
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's career than anything else. That leads to less
time
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 allocated for personal aspects
such
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 as exercise and attending gyms. Many
people
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 even go as far as signing up for gym memberships but never find the
time
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 to actually go.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 lack of
time
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 affects
people
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's diets as well, causing
one
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 to prefer the convenience of ordering fast food, as opposed to spending
time
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 in the kitchen.
For example
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, an office worker who has worked late to finish a competitive project
,
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apply
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 is more prone to ordering the next day's lunch rather than preparing it at home after a long day at work.
Hence
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, the lack of an exercise routine
along with
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 an unhealthy diet is causing more and more
people
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 to suffer from
this
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 issue. Considering the aforementioned outbreak of
such
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 lifestyle and diet,
this
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 pandemic is causing serious repercussions worldwide.
For instance
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, obesity leads to many functional and
health
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 problems. The more instant result of being obese is running out of energy, and becoming unable to function in any job or activity that requires
one
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's mobility.
For example
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, being a teacher requires
one
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 to walk around the class and monitor students,
however
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, it is difficult to do so as being overweight puts pressure on
one
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's back and knees.
Furthermore
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, in the long run, it can lead to serious
health
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 issues
such
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 as diabetes or heart disease. The human race's reproduction will
also
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 suffer a hit from
this
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 pandemic.
This
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 essay concludes that the main
reasons
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 for the significant day-by-day increase in the number of overweight
people
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 are the newly emerged busy lifestyles and dietary habits.
This
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 essay
also
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 discussed how these
reasons
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 have caused serious
health
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 and functional problems.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to outline the specific points you will discuss in the essay. This will help set clearer expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words to enhance the flow of your ideas. This can improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, consider summarising the main points more explicitly instead of simply restating previous ideas. This reinforces your arguments effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-defined structure with clear paragraphs that discuss specific points, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that effectively illustrate your points, particularly in the discussion of dietary habits and their impacts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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