IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Going to shop has always been a great past
time
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many years.In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, certain believe that spending
time
Use synonyms
 in the malls with friends and enjoying their free
time
Use synonyms
 is one of the best ways to feel relaxed,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that one should visit the shopping centres when the need be. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 trend is gaining momentum and cannot be entirely considered disadvantageous. On the one hand, in today's
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 people are tied up with their busy schedules. Shopping and meeting our camarades at the same
time
Use synonyms
 can not only save
time
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 help the bond of friendship strengthen.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 shopping for clothes and household stuff, we have the convenience of taking our friend's choices.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to quicker decisions and may prove more economical.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently when I went to Walmart to shop for my
six year old
Add a hyphen
six-year-old
show examples
 nephew with my colleague, she suggested
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
buy a
track suit
Correct your spelling
tracksuit
show examples
 which was on sale. As she has her own child of the same age, I did not take a minute to rely on her opinion.
This
Linking Words
 episode saved
my
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
 money and valuable
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, visiting a mall unnecessarily just to meet our loved ones could prove to be a costly affair. The marketing techniques of shops are so attractive that we spend exorbitantly on stuff we do not desire at that
time
Use synonyms
. Recent research has revealed that teenagers these days generally gather at a coffee shop for
chit chatting
Add a hyphen
chit-chatting
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 roam around the mall. Since they are at an immature age , they tend to spend money on things that are not required but just to please their peers.
This
Linking Words
 unwanted expenditure puts a big hole in their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 pockets who might be struggling to survive. In conclusion, malls will continue to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meeting
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for fun and frolic but making a purchase should be wisely done. I personally feel that
this
Linking Words
 trend is not negative if we are mindful of our expenses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving the introduction by clearly stating your main argument and outlining the points you will discuss. This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that transitional phrases are used consistently to improve the flow of your essay. This can help connect your ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
While you presented good examples, more varied examples or perspectives could strengthen your arguments. Try to elaborate on consequences or suggest solutions to the issues raised.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear example from personal experience, which effectively illustrated your point about decision-making while shopping.
Task Achievement
Your points about the advantages and disadvantages of shopping malls were well balanced, showcasing a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: