IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that technology is making people more socially isolated, while others think it is helping people connect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Technology
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 has significantly changed the way
people
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 interact with each other. Some argue that it leads to social isolation,
while
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 others believe it enhances social connections.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why, despite some negative effects,
technology
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overall
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 helps
people
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 stay connected. On the one hand, many
people
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 believe that
technology
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 makes individuals more isolated. One reason for
this
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 is that social media and online communication reduce face-to-face interactions.
For example
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, many young
people
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 spend hours on their smartphones
instead
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 of meeting friends in person.
Additionally
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, the excessive use of
technology
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 can lead to addiction, making
people
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 prioritize virtual connections over real-life
relationships
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.
As a result
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, some individuals may feel lonely despite having many online friends.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 has made it easier for
people
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 to communicate and maintain
relationships
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. Social media platforms, video calls, and instant messaging allow
people
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 to stay in touch regardless of distance.
For instance
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, families living in different countries can easily communicate through apps like Zoom or WhatsApp.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 has helped
people
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 find communities with shared interests, enabling them to build new friendships online. In many cases, these digital connections lead to real-life interactions and stronger
relationships
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. In conclusion,
while
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technology
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 can contribute to social isolation if used excessively, it
also
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 provides numerous ways to stay connected. In my opinion, the key is to use
technology
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 in a balanced way, combining both online and offline interactions to maintain healthy social
relationships
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more structured argument in your body paragraphs by clearly stating the main idea at the beginning of each paragraph. This will improve the clarity of your discussion on both viewpoints.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion by briefly summarizing the key points made in the essay. This reinforces your argument and provides a stronger wrap-up to your discussion.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives on the impact of technology, which is commendable.
examples
Examples provided, such as the use of Zoom and WhatsApp, are relevant and help illustrate your points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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