IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter, explain why you want to reduce your working hours say which hours you would like to work describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows: Dear …………………..,

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Dear Sir or Madam, I trust you are doing well. The purpose of writing
this
Linking Words
 letter is to request you to deduct my working hours in order to study part-time. First and foremost, I have
enrolling
Wrong verb form
enrolled
show examples
 in
short-term
Correct article usage
a short-term
show examples
 CHRP
course
Use synonyms
, which is starting
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next month.
Also
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, with the help of
this
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course
Use synonyms
, I can gain more professional experience and enhance my practical skills.
Besides
Linking Words
this
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,
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
is align
Change the verb form
is aligned
show examples
 with my current work.
Therefore
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, I would like to work Monday to Friday 7:00am to 2:00pm
instead
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 of 8:00am to 4:30pm.
Additionally
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, sometimes I would prefer to work remotely. At the very least,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
, I will learn whole recruitment cycle, which will help company to hire great talents
according to
Linking Words
 needs.
As well as
Linking Words
 I will improve my communication skills for meetup with Stakeholders and HRBP. I will wait for your prompt response. I truly appreciate your support and consideration. Yours faithfully, Dhruvi Patel

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how your previous experience relates to the CHRP course you're taking. This will strengthen the connection between your studies and your current role.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to enhance clarity and flow. For instance, you can separate the explanation of the course and its benefits into distinct paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors such as "I have enrolling" which should be "I have enrolled". This will help in polishing your letter.
positive
Your tone is polite and professional, which is appropriate for a letter to a boss.
positive
You clearly stated your request and the reasons for it, which demonstrates clarity in your communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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