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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of hobbies of the elderly in the States.
Overall
Linking Words
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the period given, watching TV was
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
famous
however
Linking Words
 it was outraged by hicking which witnessed an upward trend to be the most popular
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Out of the
others
Add a comma
others,
show examples
 theatre is the only thing which faced a downward trend. Reading saw an initial increase from 30% in
1980s
Change the article
the 1980s
show examples
 to 40% in
1990s
Correct article usage
the 1990s
show examples
, meaning that it replaced theatre as the second most famous activity among elders from America.
However
Linking Words
, from that point to the next decade, it significantly dropped to 20% in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
 which faced a sharp rise to 60%
at the end
Linking Words
. Browsing was the least followed which was 5% in 1980s it gradually increased to 15% in 2000s
then
Linking Words
 it rocketed to 50% in a decade. Unlike others, hiking steadily increased to 80% in
2010s
Change the article
the 2010s
show examples
 from 20% in
1980s
Correct article usage
the 1980s
show examples
Although
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of watching TV increased from
1980s
Change the article
the 1980s
show examples
 to
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
 to
get
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 its peak
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 60% and 70% respectively,
this
Linking Words
 trend reversed over the next 10 years and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ended at 65%. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of theatre decreased steadily from the start to
1990s
Correct article usage
the 1990s
show examples
, though it rose sharply for the next two decades with an initial
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 50% to 45%
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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