IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are a lot of professional sports rising of athletes and they
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 blocked substances to develop their performance. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss both sides the causes of
phenomenon
Add an article
the phenomenon
show examples
 and the solution.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, some people who
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 football,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
take banned substances to improve their performance, for many reasons,
firstly
Linking Words
, they want to get
win
Add an article
a win
the win
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 sport, they are showing
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 fans, they have
a good abilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good ability
good abilities
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
, the audience support them to complete their play.
Scondly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, they have
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
show examples
 to be the best player
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, players face some
tired
Replace the word
tiredness
show examples
 when they
played
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 and they play well
front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 fans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some solutions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 help people to be
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
, they can eat
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 food,
drink
Correct word choice
and drink
show examples
 water,
while
Linking Words
 they need to sleep well, and that will help them to keep their energy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
exersices
Correct your spelling
exercises
, because that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will help them to be fit.
However
Linking Words
, they are walking in the morning,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will support them to move fastly well.
In addition
Linking Words
, they drink fresh milk ,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
benefit
Add an article
a benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their bones and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be strong
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they play any
dangours
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 sport. In conclusion, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional sports should be healthy
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is better than when they take banned substances, because they will be
safety more
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
 in their health life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly outline both causes and solutions more specifically. Always ensure to paraphrase the topic question accurately.
coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Expand on the examples in your essay. For instance, specific examples of banned substances or detailed strategies for solutions would enhance your points significantly.
task achievement
You have a clear intention to discuss both causes and solutions, which is essential for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well, which is a positive aspect of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
What to do next:
Look at other essays: