IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that every human being can create art e g poetry music paintings other people think art can only be created by people born with a special ability discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
show examples
, art is significant because it makes growth beautiful. In our life, we need to be artists in various fields. We must encourage our sons to be troupe. Lifesoul needs actors like other
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
,
lawyer
Fix the agreement mistake
lawyers
show examples
, and
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
. The artist makes people happy and gives them special impressions. There are different ways to be an artist.
In addition
Linking Words
, the arts contribute to conveying culture among countries and activity of side country to cities. At
first,
Linking Words
there are people who have natural giftedness from their childhood ,their talents involve specific art
such
Linking Words
 as painting, writing poems or novels. These talents some children
discovered
Wrong verb form
discover
show examples
 it by themselves or their
parents
Use synonyms
. Their
parents
Use synonyms
 encourage them to work to develop their gifts. They will be
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 skilled list, by ver the time
However
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 neglect their sons because they say:
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do not have time to pursue them or
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
so
Rephrase
too
show examples
 busy. Those reasons cause them to lose kids and their natural giftedness gradually. Kids need the embracing of
parents
Use synonyms
 to achieve their dreams and boosting skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some young may manage their skills when they are adult and
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
 to doing something in their routine. They enhance their vocations through hard work to become professional players and learn from
senior
Add an article
the senior
show examples
 lineup. In
this
Linking Words
 way, several actors were scared of failure, but with previous steps, which they followed, they overcame them. In my opinion, the influence of cultural or special factors in nurturing artistic abilities suggests that the environment plays a critical role in artistic development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, it could be clearer in presenting both views. Ensure that your main argument is explicitly stated and the essay has a clear thesis.
coherence and cohesion
There are some issues with the flow of ideas. Use clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs, and try to maintain a logical progression of thoughts to help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
It’s essential to provide more specific examples and elaboration on your points. Adding concrete evidence or illustrations can help to support your assertions and make your argument more persuasive.
content
You have a clear passion for the topic of art and its significance, which is evident in your writing. This enthusiasm can engage the reader's interest.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innate
  • talent
  • artistic expression
  • creativity
  • subjective
  • special ability
  • natural giftedness
  • psychological benefits
  • cultural factors
  • nurturing
  • formal training
  • creative fields
  • self-expression
  • artistic development
  • embrace
  • encourage
  • aesthetic appreciation
  • emotional outlet
What to do next:
Look at other essays: