IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Well, the debate over whether
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be the
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 top priority or if other areas
desrve
Correct your spelling
deserve
 more attention is a complex and nuanced issue. Both have their own rationality for existence. Both perspectives have valid arguments, and the prioritization often depends on a country's
specfic
Correct your spelling
specific
 circumstances ,
such
Linking Words
 as its
econmic
Correct your spelling
economic
 situation and so on. As far as I am concerned, I suppose that the first thing we need to solve is the economic issues. As we all know,
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 is the most important part
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all these sections. We should ensure the
development
Use synonyms
 of our country's economy,
then
Linking Words
 we are supposed to put importance on other parts. Economy
development
Use synonyms
 is a solid foundation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other sections'
development
Use synonyms
. When the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 enough money,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will be worked out, to some extent.
Then
Linking Words
 the
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 of education,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture will be improved step by step.The quality of people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 will be significantly improved.That
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 to say, by
comparaing
Correct your spelling
comparing
 the differences
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 these parts,
although
Linking Words
 they are both very vital, I emphasize the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 one more.
For example
Linking Words
, in our
dail
Correct your spelling
daily
 lives, building roads, schools, hospitals
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
digital networks and so on can create jobs and stimulate economic
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
, which indirectly benefits
healthcare
Use synonyms
 by increasing tax revenues. What's more, the economic foundation determines the superstructure.
Well
Add the punctuation
Well,
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 belongs to the superstructure. Another
issuse
Correct your spelling
issue
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be
thought
Verb problem
considered
show examples
, in
Change preposition
about, in
show examples
 other countries,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may face any types of challenges which are more urgent
need
Correct word choice
and need
show examples
 to be solved in time before
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
Tat's
Correct your spelling
That's
show examples
 all my viewpoint.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by elaborating more on the importance of healthcare as well. This will help to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the organization of your ideas by using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a greater variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance coherence.
task achievement
You present a clear personal opinion on the issue, which is important in responding to the task.
task achievement
You provide a relevant example related to job creation and economic activity, which supports your argument.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates engagement with a complex issue, displaying critical thinking skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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