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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The two maps illustrate the development plan for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 industrial region of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Norbiton
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
.
In
Correct word choice
Overall
show examples
overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 all of the factories are predicted to be removed in order to build housing
schems
Correct your spelling
schemes
 all over the city
while
Linking Words
 utilizing the same area of the city.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the
residencies
Add a comma
residencies,
show examples
 some other public centers are forecasted
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 built
such
Linking Words
 as a playground, a school and a medical centre.
According to
Linking Words
 the draft, the most
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 change
that is
Linking Words
 going to
be taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 place is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the eastern side of the map each
factories
Change to a singular noun
factory
show examples
 will replaced with houses
along with
Linking Words
 a school
at the end
Linking Words
 of the road. The
sourthern
Correct your spelling
southern
 region
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 expected to be replaced with shops.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a new medical centre is going to be
contructed
Correct your spelling
constructed
 in the
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
 corner of the roundabout. There will be a
playgorund
Correct your spelling
playground
 near to the river and in between two recident
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to these
modification
Fix the agreement mistake
modifications
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river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
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 and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
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 will be the same
reguardless
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of the bridge
contruction
Correct your spelling
construction
 that will take place in the future. Another
addition
Replace the word
additional
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 factor is,
farmland
Correct determiner usage
that farmland
show examples
 will be untouched with a slight change of constructing another housing scheme
along with
Linking Words
 a road
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
connected to the main road.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "along with".
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial area
  • planned development
  • land use
  • infrastructure
  • residential
  • commercial facilities
  • green spaces
  • impact
  • community
  • environment
  • composition
  • transformation
  • zoning
  • urban planning
  • demographic changes
  • landscape modification
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