IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of people believe that students who finish high school choose whatever major they want without any pressure

A
lot
Use synonyms
 of people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 who finish high
school
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 choose whatever major they want without any pressure .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think the best option is to continue
study in
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
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 . In my opinion,
junior
Fix the agreement mistake
juniors
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to have the freedom to choose which major want to select because they will be more creative , which will reduce burnout and depression. After finishing high
school
Use synonyms
,
students
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 should have the freedom to choose which major they want to continue studying .
As a result
Linking Words
, they will become more creative in their work planned .
for example
Linking Words
 ,
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
student who likes drawing it is best to join an artist major and be more creative in it . Another reason for
students
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 to choose what
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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class is the best for them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that it will reduce the tension on them which will lead to burnout and depression. Studying a subject you do not like and are not passionate about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because of your family or friends' advice will prevent you from enjoying
school
Use synonyms
 days and lose marks
due to
Linking Words
 that pressure. Studying
science
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 and
technology
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 is the new
future
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 some parents and
students
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 believe in that. increase demands on
science
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 like medicine and nursing leads to high income and easy to get a job offer after
school
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , during corona in 2019 , a
lot
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 of hospitals offered jobs for doctors and nurses. Nowadays
technology
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 is helping in many aspects, in research we can use AI,
while
Linking Words
 in medicine surgeries done by repots. Despite the fact that
students
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 who
continues
Change the verb form
continue
show examples
 in these two majors will receive high incomes and get jobs easily, I believe that studying what you like to be in
future
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 is the best for
students
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 mental health. In conclusion,
students
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 who
chooses
Change the verb form
choose
show examples
 to continue in
technology
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 and
science
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 may earn a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money and
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of work options available for them , but the student who selects
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 they love and are passionate about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be more creative in their
future
Use synonyms
 work with fewer mental challenges, so that will reduce
future
Use synonyms
 burnout or depression. The student must have the freedom to choose their major study without any pressure.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that you state your main points more clearly in each paragraph, summarizing what you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure to better communicate your ideas.
task achievement
The essay covers the topic and presents a clear opinion on student choice.
task achievement
There is good consideration of both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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