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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for people to tale risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?

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Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is a daunting task. It may or may not give the expected outcome for which it is taken. At the same time, it becomes imperative to undertake
risks
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 in certain situations in an individual's lifetime, personally, professionally or both.I believe that undertaking a
risk
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 depends upon the extent to which it is undertaken
,
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apply
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so that the merits supercede the demerits. On the one hand, it is advantageous to take chances in our life because we learn better with experience. It is well said that" No
risk
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 no gain". No matter how difficult the decision is,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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being
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risk averse
Add a hyphen
risk-averse
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 closes the doors to many new opportunities.
For instance
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, a child may always
risk
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 falling until he tries to walk himself by experimenting
novel
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with novel
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 methods.
Consequently
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, he learns to walk from his own experiences taking little
risks
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 at each step until he becomes confident.
Thus
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, the wise choice of taking
risks
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 in a gradual manner proves to be beneficial.
This
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 holds true for bigger things in life too
such
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 as investing money in real estate or even when we learn to drive a car.
On the other hand
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, some people argue and opine
in
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on
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 the contrary notion.
According to
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 them, taking unnecessary
risks
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 in life is disadvantageous.
This
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 is because they do not want
yo
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to
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 step out of their comfort zone and pretend to be contented
in
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with
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 what they possess. As they fear taking
risks
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, they become scapegoats
to
Change preposition
for
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 certain circumstances in their lifetime. Take
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 instance, my father, in his lifetime, chose peace and satisfaction over gaining higher income by avoiding
risks
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 in his business. He never felt like making more money or
expand
Wrong verb form
expanding
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 his affair as it involved taking chances. For him, the results are negative when
risk
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 is involved.So he wanted to be away from
such
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 unexpected situations. In conclusion, taking
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risk
Correct article usage
a risk
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 depends on the amount it is taken and the type of
risk
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 taken. Since the results are uncertain,
Use synonyms
risk taking
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
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 could prove a burden, though its advantages can be yielded if taken mindfully.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer transitions between points. For instance, you could use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to link your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that you clearly articulate your viewpoint in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on some of the examples to deepen their relevance and connection to your argument. This could enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, which is a strong point in terms of task response.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples to illustrate your points, especially with the example of learning to walk and your father's business decisions, which adds depth to your arguments.
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