IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign laguage at the primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

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Some experts believe that learning a foreign
language
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 should be done from primary school,
whereas
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 other believes that it is better to start in secondary
schools
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school
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my statement that learning an unusual
language
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 from
younger
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a younger
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 age has more benefits for children.
People
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 are sure that learning a
language
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 that they never heard before is a good way to increase their knowledge since they were young. By knowing another
language
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, children will find it easier to learn new things that they haven't known before. Several knowledge, as an example of engineering, is not translated into their mother tongue, and from learning English as a foreign
language
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, they would know about the engineering sides of a thing deeply.
Furthermore
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, foreign
language
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 added to their social skills. By learning another
language
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, they can spread their society and ensure the lifestyles in other countries. Based on my experience talking with several
people
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 from other countries, they are more confident when talking to new
people
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 with different languages, and because of that, our connection still happens. One negative side of learning a new
language
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 from a young is they would not speak nicely with their original
language
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. They always talk in a foreign
language
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 and potentially don't have the intention to talk to local
people
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. It would have an impact on charitable skills. Some students of an international school in Indonesia always prefer to talk in English and it becomes a weird thing to do basic activities,
for example
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, buying food in grocery. The negative side of learning a new
language
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 is having to happen.
However
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, they will have
more
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a more
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 positive impact if they have learned since they were young.

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Task Achievement
The introduction should clearly state your position more explicitly and concisely. It would help to elaborate on what you believe about the advantages of learning languages at a young age compared to secondary school more specifically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs, such as 'Moreover', 'In addition', or 'Conversely'. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly to your thesis and supports the overall argument. You may consider explicitly connecting the supporting details back to your main points.
Task Achievement
You provided some interesting examples that illustrate the benefits of learning a foreign language at a young age, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging potential disadvantages, which shows depth in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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