IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people who have been successful in society do not attribute their success to the theoretical knowledge they learn at university. What is your opinion on the factors contributing to one’s achievement?

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Some successful
people
Use synonyms
 in society do not believe that their achievement result comes from the theoretical knowledge from third-level education. I definitely agree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view because being
success
Use synonyms
 influenced by networking, experience, innovation and adaptability.
While
Linking Words
college
Correct article usage
a college
show examples
 education gives the main foundation the knowledge, practical experiences play a crucial role in
accomplish
Change the verb form
accomplishing
show examples
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
a successful
show examples
 journey. A
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 fail to achieve their goals but they
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 from prestigious
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 because they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of high-skilled uneducated
people
Use synonyms
 in Indonesia getting accepted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 industry
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with graduated university
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 skill issues and capabilities.
The
Change preposition
On the
show examples
 other hand, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of successful
people
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 achieve their
success
Use synonyms
 journey from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real experience because they always face unexpected problems that
forced
Wrong verb form
force
show examples
 them to learn by mistake, build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 and always think
to evolve
Change preposition
about evolving
show examples
 their empire gradually. In my opinion, achieving
success
Use synonyms
 needs a
lot
Use synonyms
 of important factors
such
Linking Words
 as networking, experience and innovation to build
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
resilience for unexpected
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of only focusing on
thereotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 knowledge.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. A strong thesis statement can guide readers on what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your main argument. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and details to support your points, as this will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, indicating your agreement with the notion that success is influenced by factors other than theoretical knowledge.
task achievement
You raise relevant points regarding experience and networking, which are significant factors in achieving success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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