IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

ISome people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is widely
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 nowadays that competing
one
Change preposition
with one
show examples
 another is useful,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there is another belief that it is not. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both sides of
this
Linking Words
 argument and reach a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand,
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 community will lead to more and more impressive results in anything like
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 records, income etc. People will always try to get better, work harder and achieve their goals to be number one in everything.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my school there often are
subject based
Add a hyphen
subject-based
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 Olympics and competitions among students so they can participate and get
motivation
Replace the word
motivated
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 to be
winner
Fix the agreement mistake
winners
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 in them.
On the other hand
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,
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 society may cause several troubles in communication between people
such
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 as numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
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conflicts between
participates
Replace the word
participants
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 based on different opinions, envy of the first place etc.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people think they should be more cooperative and do everything together as it is easier and more convenient because of that they can rely on others. As an example, at school my friends and I were doing math tasks, after struggling for half an hour by ourselves we decided to discuss them and
solved
Wrong verb form
solve
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 them quickly.
To conclude
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, In my point of view both sides of
this
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argue
Replace the word
argument
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 are reasonable
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however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, competitions may give you more experience and teach
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
 value your time spent doing something personally and developing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, cooperating might be faster and easier it is not as beneficial for personal growth.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but try to include a clearer outline of what will be discussed in the essay. This will help the reader understand your approach from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will improve the logical flow and help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
In your conclusion, aim for a more decisive opinion. You touched on valuable points but reiterating your main argument strongly would enhance the overall impact.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view discussing both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
Task Achievement
Your examples illustrate your points well, making them relatable and strengthening your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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