IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, where
technology
Use synonyms
 is booming ,which made good relationships by bringing
people
Use synonyms
 closer
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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believed by many
people
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whereas
Linking Words
 others think it separates them. With the help of
technology
Use synonyms
 , now
people
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 are able to communicate with everyone who
are
Change the verb form
is
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 even living far away from them by
videocalls
Correct your spelling
video
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,
text
Correct word choice
and text
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 messages which helps them to stay connected and to make
good
Correct word choice
apply
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good relationships.
People
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 living abroad ,
for example
Linking Words
, are unable to come daily to meet their loved ones so with the help of social applications they can do
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 communication with them which makes them connected. The use of
this
Linking Words
technology
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 ,
however
Linking Words
, made some
relations
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 worse even staying together.
As nowadays
Change preposition
Nowadays
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, more
people
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 are addicted to their phones and scrolling
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media applications . They try to connect with other
people
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 but
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 communicate with those who are living with them
such
Linking Words
 as parents .
The
Correct article usage
An
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 example of
this
Linking Words
 is,
young
Correct word choice
that young
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people
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 make new friends or other
relations
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 on their
socia
Correct your spelling
social
 media but they avoid
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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 with their parents which leads to weak
relations
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they show interest in other cultures and get influenced. With
this
Linking Words
, they try to leave the house as sometimes parents
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 want their child to show interest in other cultures. At that
times
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time
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 to avoid conflicts , young
people
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tries
Change the verb form
try
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 to stay separate , which ultimately
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
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 the
parent- child relation
Replace the word
parent-child relationship
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 apart . In my view,
technology
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 gave
Add an article
the human
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 a new life by making it easier to
connec
Correct your spelling
connect
 with their loved ones but the usage of it is mostly negative which
puts
Verb problem
has
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 a detrimental effect on relationships as more
people
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tries
Correct subject-verb agreement
try
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 to connect with others through
technology
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 but
are forgetting
Wrong verb form
forget
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 that they have other
relations
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 too which are staying with them and want their love and affection more.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and follows logically from the previous one. This will improve the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly outlining the points you will discuss. A more explicit thesis statement can enhance clarity.
task achievement
In your examples, try to provide more specific instances or statistics that can lend more credibility to your arguments. This will help in making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
task achievement
You present both viewpoints, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic. This is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples to illustrate points shows an effort to connect theory with practice, which is a strong aspect of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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