IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some individuals consider the ultimate target of scientific inventions to help the human race.
While
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 I agree with
this
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 idea, I believe that it is far from reality, as most of the
scientists
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 are driven by other factors. In
this
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 essay, the reasons for my claim will be mentioned.
To begin
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 with, if we take a look at the roots of some of the technology that we use every day, we will find out that they were invented out of curiosity or to serve a completely different purpose other than improving our lives.
For example
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, the first computers were created during the second world war and the aim was to extract data from the encrypted communications which the nazi army used. The target of nuclear science,
similarly
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, was to bombard Japan; not being used as an energy source.
On the other hand
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, it would be much better if
scientists
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 increased their focus on assisting their own kind. In fact, examples of when
scientists
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 utilized their knowledge in favour of people, can mostly be seen in the field of healthcare. Many of the cures for different diseases
such
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 as diabetes would not be around if it were not for the dedication of the
scientists
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 in charge. By utilizing
this
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 mindset, more life-saving inventions can be presented, like a cure for cancer.
To conclude
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,
while
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 I side with the statement, we can not ignore the fact about science and its aim, which is not always to improve life standards.
Lastly
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, it will be much more beneficial for the human race if they just focus on useful aspects of science.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer in stating your main argument. Consider directly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement in a more explicit manner.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to enhance coherence. For instance, linking your ideas more clearly could improve the flow of your argument.
task achievement
When providing examples, try to expand on them a bit more to strengthen your argument. For example, discussing how the developments in healthcare specifically benefit people's lives could improve the relevance and depth of your examples.
content and ideas
You've introduced a thought-provoking topic and presented your argument clearly. Your use of examples adds credibility to your points, particularly in the healthcare context.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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