In some countries, not only are young people richer but also safe and healthier than ever before, yet they are less happy. What are the reasons for this? And what can be done to help them?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many developed countries, young
people
Use synonyms
enjoy better financial stability, better healthcare, and improved safety. Despite
this
Linking Words
, they are experiencing low
lever
Correct your spelling
level
show examples
of happiness.
This
Linking Words
trend can be attributed to several factors, and solutions must be implemented to address it. One of the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
unhappiness is
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
of social media.
Although
Linking Words
social sites like Instagram,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
show examples
are good
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
to socialize
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
somewhere young generation compare themselves with others, leading to
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
of inadequacy and low
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
.
Instead
Linking Words
of appreciating their own achievements, they feel pressured to meet unrealistic goals. Another significant factor is the pressure to succeed, in today’s fast-paced world, youngsters are worried about their academic goals and career achievements since their family and society
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
so many expectations from them. Owing to
this
Linking Words
, many are struggling with stress and anxiety, fear of failure,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
it lead towards
restless
Replace the word
restlessness
show examples
. They pay with their mental health and personal happiness for
this
Linking Words
relentless.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
in technology,
people
Use synonyms
are connected virtually to each other rather than real social connections.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
feel loneliness and a lack of meaningful relationships, which are essential for emotional
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. To mitigate
this
Linking Words
issue, strong real-life relationships are vital. Offline activities should be organized to reduce screening between relations. Family
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
and community events should be promoted to engage young ones in social activities.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should educate
people
Use synonyms
that what is the healthy use of social media.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, employers and educational institutes must introduce the program related to mental health and stress program
workshop
Fix the agreement mistake
workshops
show examples
to help young individuals to cope with pressure effectively. In conclusion, despite of improved quality of life, young
people
Use synonyms
are struggling with happiness
due to
Linking Words
social media influence, career pressure and loneliness.
However
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
promoting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
in real life and relations and working on mental health, can help them to bring balance in life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider enhancing your introduction by clearly summarizing the key points you will discuss. This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on specific examples to support your main points more fully; this could strengthen the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas by using more linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'On the other hand'). This will improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and fully develops it before transitioning to the next idea, which can help with overall coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by identifying several reasons for the lack of happiness among young people and providing potential solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Elderly
  • Accumulated wisdom
  • Tradition and history
  • Guidance
  • Family life
  • Cultural practices
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic productivity
  • Adaptable
  • Globalized societies
  • Physical attributes
  • Labor force
  • Economic growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: