IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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It is often argued that in the case of not struggling with any physical or mental difficulties continuing to work at old
age
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 is advisable.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 approach may impose pressure on old workers, I completely agree that
this
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 could improve their well-being and foster the economic foundation of societies. It is an undeniable fact that working at higher
ages
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 brings a sense of usefulness. After retirement, pensioners usually feel that they have been converted into mere consumers without efficiency for society.
However
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, if they continue to work at older
ages
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, it could prevent storming
such
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 negative imaginations about their presence, improving self-satisfaction, mood and life expectancy. A study from Harvard University found that the rate of exuberance is 40% higher among
elders
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 who are working after the
age
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 of 75, highlighting the positive impacts of working at older
ages
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 on mental health.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 happiness hinders the development of depression in the long term. Beyond these personal merits, societies could benefit from
such
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elders
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 in managerial positions. Working for
such
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 a long period, invaluable experiences are cultivated that are not achievable through academic life or complementary courses. The possessors of these worthy experiences,
therefore
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 could be contributed in managing large organizations or even nations at a larger scale.
This
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 is the reason why Joe Biden was selected as the United States president at the
age
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 of 77. Another example of
this
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 is Japan, where the minimum required
age
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 for being a school principal is 70, demonstrating the
elders
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' capabilities in highly responsible positions. Working at higher
ages
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 leaves less time for
elders
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 to relax and rest, which are necessary for health,
nonetheless
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, their sacrifices could improve the economic, political and educational situations of societies In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that continuing to work as long as possible could improve the
elders
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' mental health and reinforce other sectors of society.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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elders
Use synonyms
' employment could be supported.

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task achievement
Consider exploring counterarguments to enhance your argument's depth. Acknowledge possible disadvantages of elderly employment.
coherence and cohesion
Use more topic sentences for body paragraphs to strengthen their main ideas and improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support your points regarding the benefits of working in old age.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outline your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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