IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 think that younger students should participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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volunteering in
the
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apply
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society in their leisure era.
This
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 can help
teenagers
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also
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 the
community
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both the point of view
that
Change preposition
of
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 why some people will agree with
this
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 and
also
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 the reason behind disagreeing.
This
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 argues why it is helpful for
teenagers
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 to do unpaid
community
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work
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. Volunteering helps students in several ways, it can be helpful for mental health, scholarships and
also
Linking Words
 to build confidence and experiences for future career opportunities. I believe that doing unpaid
community
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work
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 teaches them kindness, patience and lots of skills to be a good citizen.
Moreover
Linking Words
, It helps to get rid of mental issues when you meet new people and talk with different kinds of
peoples
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people
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, they make many friends and build relationships with others.they utilize their
time
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 in a good way .
For instance
Linking Words
 , playing games on the phone and using screens the whole day is very harmful to
teenagers
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,
moreover
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 spending some
time
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 offscreen will be too much more helpful in perspective of mental health .
On the other hand
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, if they have a busy academic schedule
then
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teenagers
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 will not prefer to do
community
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work
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.if they are in high school they probably have a busy week with school
work
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 and exams so they would like to be at home on the weekend and have some free
time
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 to charge themself and spend some
time
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 on themselves to be ready for the next week so they will not prefer to go to the
community
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work
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.
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However
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However,
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 it will impact the
community
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 because they have to hire other people and there are
also
Linking Words
 many organizations who only run by volunteers. So it will
also
Linking Words
 impact on them . In conclusion ,
i
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I
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 believe that
teenagers
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 should participate in unpaid
community
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work
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 it is beneficial for the
community
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as well as
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 for
teenagers
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and support it with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include a more logical flow between sentences and ideas to enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
Develop your arguments further and clarify some points, particularly on how teenagers can manage time for volunteering alongside academics.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration to strengthen your main points and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a good practice in IELTS writing.
task achievement
You've identified some benefits of volunteering, which shows your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
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