IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Students
Use synonyms
 in some regions live with their
families
Use synonyms
 during the university period,
while
Linking Words
 some choose to study in another city
instead
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
 living without
Use synonyms
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 has some drawbacks,
this
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the advantages of attending university in another place outweigh the disadvantages because there are more opportunities to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
education
Use synonyms
. The main reason living away from home is advantageous is it allows
students
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 to access
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
education
Use synonyms
regradless
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of the
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 of locations.
According to
Linking Words
 the survey
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the world's top-ranking
universities
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, it is widely accepted that most of the best tertiary
education
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 in the world are located in the US, the UK, and Australia so if youngsters do not live in these countries, they will tend to get worse
education
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in my country, there are many
students
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 who graduated from high
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
finally
Linking Words
 choose to study
aboard
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 in order to learn in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
education
Use synonyms
 system and upgrade themself to get higher-paying jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being away from
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
your hometown
show examples
 leads to higher expenses.
Students
Use synonyms
 are required to pay not only
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tuition fees but
also
Linking Words
 other living expenditures
such
Linking Words
 as rental fees, transportation and electricity bills
while
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 staying with their
families
Use synonyms
 do not.
However
Linking Words
, if
students
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 obtain certificates from famous
universities
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, they will be able to generate more money and
this
Linking Words
 will cover their expenses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
universities
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 even if they are not in the same place as learners'
families
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 is still
worth
Correct pronoun usage
worth it
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 attending
universities
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 which are far away from where
students
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'
families
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 live increases the amount of money spent, it is still beneficial because it enhances educational experiences and gives more
chanes
Correct your spelling
chances
changes
 for applying the jobs with higher incomes.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps set expectations for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly elaborate on your main points with evidence or examples, especially in the paragraphs discussing the disadvantages of living away from home.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling errors, such as 'regardless' instead of 'regradless', and 'abroad' instead of 'aboard'. These small mistakes can impact your score.
task achievement
You present a clear argument about the benefits of studying away from home, which is a central part of the task.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the implications of living away from home for education.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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