IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city.** Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Students
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 in some regions live with their
families
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 during the university period,
while
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 some choose to study in another city
instead
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.
Although
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 living without family has some drawbacks,
this
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 essay will argue that the advantages of attending university in another place outweigh the disadvantages because there are more opportunities to get
a
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apply
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better schooling. The main reason living away from home is advantageous is it allows
students
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 to access a better education regardless of the limitations of locations.
According to
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 the survey of the world's top-ranking universities, it is widely accepted that most of the best tertiary education in the world are located in the US, the UK, and Australia so if youngsters do not live in these countries, they will tend to get worse study.
For example
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, in my country, there are many
students
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 who graduated from high school and
then
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finally
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 choose to study abroad in order to learn in a better learning system and upgrade themself to get higher-paying jobs.
On the other hand
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, being away from your hometown leads to higher expenses.
Students
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 are required to pay not only tuition fees but
also
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 other living expenditures
such
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 as rental fees, transportation and electricity bills
while
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 staying with their
families
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 do not.
However
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, if
students
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 obtain certificates from famous universities, they will be able to generate more money and
this
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 will cover their expenses.
Therefore
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, studying in better universities even if they are not in the same place as learners'
families
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 is still worth it. In conclusion,
although
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 attending educational
institution
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institutions
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 which are far away from where
students
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'
families
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 live increases the amount of money spent, it is still beneficial because it enhances educational experiences and gives more chances for applying the jobs with higher incomes.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on your points with more specific examples or personal anecdotes to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas with appropriate transition words to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Review sentence structures for variety and clarity to enhance readability.
task achievement
You have presented a clear argument stating the benefits of living away from home during university, which is a critical part of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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