IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, prison is seen as the solution to crime. However, some people believe that giving people a better education is a better way to prevent them from committing crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these ideas? Give your opinions based on your knowledge and expeiences.

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In many
countries
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 the most common practice to prevent
crime
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 is imprisonment.
Nevertheless
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, a better way to solve the issue is a good study system. I fully agree with the latter idea, because
education
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 creates public awareness among the individuals and reduces poverty and unemployment.
Overall
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,
crime
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 results from unstable income levels and a low level of knowledge from an early age, and committing crimes leads to negative outcomes. These issues can be addressed with satisfying
education
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 and guiding teenagers about the bad results of criminal activity.
Firstly
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, the main reason for engaging in criminal behaviour is the lack of a steady income to provide a decent standard of living, which leads individuals to break the law in order to earn money.
This
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 problem can be solved with a high level of
education
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 to give them a sustainable way of revenue.
For example
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, Denmark is a country with one of the lowest percentages of crimes , and one of the highest levels of
education
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 around the world. Second , confirming parenting young people ,
telling
Correct word choice
and telling
show examples
 them the consequences of committing the
crime
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 can main role in decreasing the level of criminal activity. Japan and Asian
countries
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 are the best examples of
this
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. In Japan , parents teach children to discipline to prevent them from
crime
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 and explain to them the negative results of that activity.
This
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 type of
education
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also
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 helps in these
countries
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 to prevent individuals from violating the law. In conclusion, the high standard of
education
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 in
countries
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 can have a positive performance in declining
crime
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 per cent . I think , in the future , jails and prisons will be replaced by
this
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 solution to avoid crimes.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position and summarises the main points you will discuss. Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity.
task achievement
Develop your arguments further with more comprehensive explanations on how education addresses crime. The essay touches on important points but could benefit from deeper analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transition phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments. While you mention Denmark and Japan, elaboration could make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with punctuation and spacing (e.g., 'percent' should be 'percentage'). Small grammatical errors can distract from your message.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and supports it with relevant ideas on education and crime prevention.
task achievement
You draw on examples from specific countries, which enhances the credibility of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • socio-economic factors
  • deterrence
  • integration
  • prevention
  • ethical development
  • root causes
  • moral values
  • long-term approach
  • human rights perspective
  • rehabilitation goals
  • academic learning
  • economic benefits
  • empathy
  • belonging
  • dignity
  • short-term solution
  • crime reduction
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